On December 21, 2013 my life changed forever. This is the day that I met my wife. It was a snowy Sunday morning in Chicago. It had been about 10 days since my wife and I had first started talking. After spending two hours a Starbucks on Clark Street, captivated by her every word, sipping coffee, and becoming entranced with my now wife, I knew she was the one. Had I not been blessed enough to share my morning coffee on Sunday, December 21, 2013, with this wonderful woman, my life would be completely different. I was 25 years old when we met. So Gentleman, wait. Wait for the right woman to come into your life. We have all heard the wise man’s advice, “good things come to those who wait.” Take this advice to heart. Don’t only listen to this advice, but ensure that you act upon it.
It’s not easy to wait. Waiting is especially if you do not know what you’re waiting for. So let’s define what you’re going to wait for. The list of what a gentleman is looking for in a wife is going to be different for every gentleman. I do believe there are three very basic things that every gentleman should look for in his partner. You can figure these out by asking these three questions.
“Where there is love there is life” Ghandi
Do they make you a better person?
This question is crucial, no matter your age. One of the pillars of the GentlemanProject is becoming and presenting your best self. You’re not going to be able to continually improve yourself and become your true best self, unless your partner makes you a better person. Find someone who not only supports you, but also challenges you. Remember, you’re only going to be spending your life with this person. So, they need to be able to confidently challenge your thinking, actions, and behaviors. Do you have a fatal flaw or a bad habit you want to kick? If so, would this person not only encourage, but also help you rid of this toxic action. Find someone who encourages you to do the things that you love and spend time with the people who you love. This leads me to the next point.
How do they get along with your inner circle?
There needs to be one assumption made here; your inner circle of friends are ones that have a positive impact on your life. If they are not, then the right person will challenge you to find better influences. Your inner circle can be defined as friends or family. I understand that for some people family is more important, and for others friends are more important. So, you need to truly understand how your partner fits in with these people. They will all be an important part of you for the rest of your life. The success of their friendships is crucial to the overall happiness and simplicity of your life. It’s not only important to see how your partner fits with your inner circle, but how do you mesh with their inner circle. Remember, selflessness is a pillar of the GentlemanProject. As Gentleman, we must be focused on our partner’s happiness. Remember, the people one chooses to surround themselves with is reflective of that person’s true self.
How many items on your non-negotiable list do they meet?
When considering a life-long relationship I would highly recommend creating a list of criterion that is non-negotiable. To some this may seem too crass or harsh, but it’s for the greater good of both parties involved. A few of the items on my list included religion, family, active lifestyle, sense of humor, and a few others. This list needs to be composed of the activities, beliefs, and people that are closest to you. These are commonly the people, beliefs, and activities that made you who you are. A partner who’s invested in helping you become your best self will be interested in sharing these activities. It’s never a good idea to completely change who you are for another person. Rather, you must integrate the best parts of your lives into the other partner’s life. Which is why if you do not have a non-negotiable list, you must create one. What’s on your list?
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope” Maya Angelou
Gents, we know that you must fail in order to reach our full potential. So, don’t be 100% love struck with the first woman you lay your eyes on. You need to have a plan, execute on the plan, and stick to the plan. Anything that’s worth having will not come easy. Remember this when you’re out searching for your wives. Gentlemen, get out there and start failing. You must start failing so that you know how special she is when you find her; don’t ever let her forget that.
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